Ever since I was little I have been sensitive. Not in the way that when people say something to me, it breaks me. But in the way that when I saw other people hurting, it was the worst pain I could feel. I always have felt other people’s pain and I never knew why. Sometimes I would walk down the street and see an old man walking and I would cry for no reason. He probably was not even in pain, it just made me feel sad that someone was alone. I thought I was weird. That I was just emotional.
I never watched sad movies or love stories. I just could not take the heartbreak that was in them. I felt like I was the person in the movie. Every time I watched one I would end up so heartbroken even if I never have been in love. When other people are sad, I get sad. When other people get mad, I get mad. When other people’s heart-break, so does mine.
As I was explaining all of this one day to my mom, she told me I was probably an Empath. I did not even know what that was. I then decided to look up the definition. “Empath; A person who is capable of feeling the emotions of others despite the fact that they themselves are not going through the same situation.” I am no witch or magical person so I was thoroughly confused. But as I kept looking and searching for the true definitions, I realized I was one. But I wanted it to go away. Every time someone was sad, I had to feel it too? I was not sure what to do.
I talked and talked to my therapists and my mom about what to do. It is so hard to try not to feel emotions that come about. I learned that the only way to not feel overbeared by the feelings I couldn’t fight, was to soak in them. I decided that I was going to stop hating the bad feelings and learn to help others with them. I may not be going through the things people go through but when I say I understand, believe me, I truly do.
Although I learned how to help the pain. It is not healed. If I could take all of the sadness and heartbreak away from the world and keep it to myself, I would. I truly wish that I would be the only one who ever hurt. It hurts more seeing people I love get hurt rather than myself. When mixing the pain of what happens to me and others, I always tend to focus on helping others rather than myself. I always was told to focus on myself especially because of what I have gone through. But the thing is, when I help others I am helping myself. It makes me feel worthy. It makes their pain go away, which is what I want to do with everyone’s.
Everyone loves themselves differently, everyone needs to. No one needs to love themselves a certain way. My way may be helping others but yours may be painting self portraits. Whatever you need to do to love yourself is okay. Never believe you are not doing it right. And if you feel you are wrong, talk to me and I will use my powers to heal your pain. I know I may never be able to but it is worth trying. Everything is worth trying in order to love yourself unconditionally.