The worst thing to do in life is hide how you feel. For years and years I have pushed my true feelings back so I can stay the happy person I always felt I was. But there was a big problem in doing this. I pushed the horrible feelings back which made them grow and grow into who I was. Mental illness is not just something you can keep believing is not there. It is not something to ignore.
The amount of times I have asked myself, “why?” is countless. Why did this happen to me? Why is no one fixing the problem? Why did I hide everything for so long?
I was always an outgoing, talkative person that never wanted to stay home and do nothing. I wanted to be with friends constantly and I wanted to be the life of each party. When that changed I thought it was me just getting older. Hormones. But it got to the point where I never went out with friends. I could not go on my phone. I refused school. I had no intention of getting dressed out of sweaters and sweatpants. I never wanted to eat or do work. I wanted no lights on and I wanted to sleep all day. When this happened I realized I needed help.
You see you cannot resolve any problem in life by ignoring it. With mental health you cannot keep listening to the excuses you hear of it being hormones, being stressed out, being a phase. Because each excuse layers on top of one another to the point where your mind is filled so much you cannot think about anything else. You need help.
All day at school I constantly hear words come out of people’s mouths that are harmful. “I’m just going to kill myself so I do not have to take that test.” “Sorry I was depressed last night so I did not answer your text.” But the thing is depression is not just one moment. It does not just come and go, it is a state of being. And killing yourself may get you out of the test but it gets you out of this beautiful world too. More teens die from suicide than they do from anything else every single year yet we still struggle to realize how big of an issue it is. When you hear people say out loud while laughing that they are just going to kill themselves, they do not realize that there is someone next to them who tried to once. That the person in the back of the class who never speaks, has been hospitalized three times for depression. That a child who had a loving family died just a couple of months ago from truly feeling that way.
We should not have to sit back and wait until something huge happens to see that mental illness is a topic in which we need to take control of. We should not have to be explaining to people that depression and anxiety is not just sadness or nervousness still. We have come so far in this world yet we are not capable of admitting there is a problem with the lack of help for mental illnesses.
I am done letting depression, anxiety, mood disorders win. I am fighting back. Because I want to live. And I want all those who suffer to get through every single day, to live.
So if right now you are reading this. If right now you feel that you are ready to fight with me. I want you to get out of bed, get up, blast music, and go crazy. Dance. Sing. Just get up. Do not let these things take you over. You can take your happiness back. I believe you can.