Lately I have been struggling. I have been trying so hard to not end up in the place I have been before. But one day this past week, I was almost there again. Instead of doing all of the things I have learned through my journey, I sulked. I scared myself and allowed myself to be dragged further into this darkness on my own. I was petrified.
The day after I was down, I had a doctor’s appointment. I was so mortified by the feelings I had the night before that I did not think I could get through without more help. I met with my therapist and we discussed whether or not I need more support.
Today, Sunday, I realized something. I was not taking my own advice. Every week I write words for all to hear thinking I will help those who feel just like me. Yet I do not take this upon myself. I do not act on what I say. Every week I try to be my most authentic self on here. Writing what is true. What I believe.
I have been pushing myself everyday. Going places alone, talking to audiences alone, meeting new people, getting a job. I never would be able to do these things if I was truly struggling like I have in the past. I have been soaking in that one bad day instead of seeing how much I have done to strengthen all I am.
I am not that one bad day. I am not that night when I felt the darkness. Everyday is a new day. And everyday will not be sunshine. Some days will be storms. With lighting and rain. But it is okay to have different types of days. It is okay to have a bad day. And if you cannot pull yourself out of that day, getting help is okay. Do not punish yourself for getting the strength. But each day is a new sun. A new essence. I will not let one day ruin the rest of my days to come. I am here for a reason. I am here to bring light in the world. So I will believe in what I can do. I will believe in the strength I have. The power. I will not fall into my one weakness. For I am more powerful than it ever will be.