I was sent to a hospitalization program because I was needing perfection. I was not perfect. I didn’t think I was pretty. I didn’t think I was kind. I don’t look like the girls in magazines or the girls on T.V. My high school experience was not like an episode of That 70s Show. My life is not a romantic comedy. It is a drama. Filled with ups and downs. Scenes that were not expected. I did not plan on me being the opposite of perfection. You can’t plan on how life goes. But what I didn’t know was that I never needed to be perfect. I do not ever want to be different from who I am. Perfection is a lie that is only true when people are faking it.
I made myself hate myself. Burden myself with the imperfections of life. Of me. The pimples on my face. The grades that I didn’t have. The times I get sad or mad. The rolls I have. Hating myself for eating a cheeseburger from Mcdonalds. Hating myself for not helping my grandpa enough when he was sick.
The thing is, I cannot change my life. I am a hormonal teenage girl, I will break out. Get over it. Just because geometry makes no sense to me does not mean I can’t be the president one day. NO ONE can be happy every single day and every single moment. It is healthy to be sad sometimes. It is healthy to be mad sometimes. It is okay. I am not sorry for the rolls on my body or how much I eat or don’t eat. In the end I AM beautiful, even if I still struggle to see it. I am no doctor. I could not cure the cancer my grandpa had. I did what I could do and that was sit and spend time with him.
Life is unpredictable. You cannot expect all things in life. Perfection is impossible. Do not self-loath because you do not think you are no enough. For you completely are. Be imperfect. Make mistakes. Learn. Live. Life changes in seconds. You cannot control everything.
xoxo
Sky