There were many things I learned within the past year. Like how gross cleaning up dog puke is. I learned certain actions that trigger my episodes. I learned how to let go, and how to let in. I learned how gross we were before a pandemic hit. (Bowling???? All of our fingers in the same three holes, and THEN eating food while you bowl, too?) But the most important lesson I have learned in 2020 is that it’s just not that deep.
I have never ever thought this before. I mean you could ask my friends, I use to say the complete opposite. Everything is deep, each word you say can mean so much more. But little did I realize, I was only speaking for myself.
I was scrolling through my TikTok and my favorite TikToker ever, (@hellotefi), came onto my feed. So, of course, I had to watch her video. It was based on the question, “What is the best advice a therapist has given you?” She answered with this. She was told it just isn’t that deep. I am a huge empath, so feeling other people’s emotions and feeling sorry for others is my life. My first reaction to someone being mean to me is to make up their life story. A boy would cheat on me and I would be like, “Oh his grandpa died.” A girl would push me in the hallway and I would think: maybe it’s because she was bullied when she was younger. Thinking, “that poor man is just cold”, when giving a homemade Christmas goodie bag to a homeless man and getting yelled at by him instead.
Then, the other day I was sitting on my bed with my mom, crying because I was so depressed. I went on my phone to then open a snapchat from a friend. Only, it was from a girl who bullied me during my senior year of high school. Using our mutual friend’s phone, she was bullying me once again, two years later. And immediately it hit me, some things just are not that deep. My senior year, I had hardly known this girl but she became friends with some of the same people I was friends with. She decided to make up a rumor about me to tell them, and to this day none of them have spoken to me. Which I am thankful for everyday. Two years of no contact and no communication, yet she has to go out of her way to still be a high school bully.
That is exactly why: it is just not that deep. Yes, people have major trauma and can turn hateful. But also, mean people can just be mean people. You don’t need to give anyone an excuse.
Going into this year, I want you to make yourself your number one priority. The more you love yourself, the more love you will receive. The more respect you give to yourself, the more respect you will receive. And when a person tries to take you down, remember they are only doing themselves wrong. It’s not that deep.
Happy New Year! All healing, all love.<3