I Don’t Fit In A Box

Before I created this blog and titled it, I wanted my first clothing line to be called “Unlabeled.” I decided that at about age thirteen. That just so happens to also be the age I started getting really into tumblr and the more artistic side of social media. At that time, I just thought it sounded edgy and ironic. Labeling something unlabeled seemed so groundbreaking to me that I made sure to write it in every diary I owned. So when I eventually started this blog, it only seemed right to call it “Unlabeled.”

The idea of being free from society’s norms was the vision I imagined whenever I heard that word. Then, when I was diagnosed/labeled by a psychiatrist as someone who had a mental illness, that hatred for labeling ignited something inside of me. How can someone tell me who I am? I am the only person allowed to do this.

Although I was trying to be an edgy teen girl, I also felt very out of place—no matter where I went. School always brought so much anxiety for that specific reason. I didn’t have a crowd. I never did. I knew who I was, though. And I never lost grasp of myself. But even I could not figure out which box of society I fit into.

Now I know where I am supposed to be.

In whatever box I choose.

My generation is wonderful in so many ways. But one aspect we absolutely suck at is labeling. The feeling that we need to be one thing and all of that one thing. I hate it. I believe what I want to believe, love the way I want to love, and live the way I wish to live. I am everything that I wish to be and believe.

I am a five foot tall, brown haired, pale-skinned, young woman. I believe life should be lived selflessly instead of selfishly. I love with my whole being and I have gotten hurt many times because of that. I have learned who deserves my energy. I am often too loud. But some days I want to be alone and not speak to anyone. I love that about myself. I believe girls should kiss girls if they want to and boys should kiss boys. But I also believe that it is okay to be straight and to be a woman who loves men. I love my man. I love love. I believe love is love. I believe Black Lives Matter. Yet I don’t hate every single police officer I see. Because I know black and brown and white cops that are good and there are good cops out there. But I believe that we live in a racist system and black lives are the ones most at stake. And that is why I stand right beside them when protesting. Because I believe that, with my white skin, it is my job to speak out against this racist system. I believe in feminism. But I don’t hate men. In fact, all I want is to be equal to them. That’s what feminism really means. I stand with the lgbtq+ and transgender community. I believe you are a woman with us as soon as you are born into the wrong body. I believe in women. How wonderful it is to be a woman. How strong of a woman I am. Or wish to be one day. All of my strong brown skinned ancestors proud of the woman I came to be. So if we built that wall no more of me could be made. The strong brown woman I look up to. But most of all I look up to black women. They deserve so much more. And I believe gay men do not have the right to act like a black woman. Because I believe in privilege. I am privileged with the white skin I own. My middle class family. My parents are still together. I have two eyes that can see with clear round lenses and ears that listen to music all day long. I’ve never had to come out with my sexuality nor suffer the consequences of coming out. I’ve never had someone be racist towards me and I never will. But I do believe non-POC can be racist regardless of sexuality or background. I believe that you should wear whatever you want whenever you want. I believe I can look goth one day and hippie the next and still be fully me. I know that looks don’t matter but I also know that when I have one singular pimple on my face, I feel disgusting. But I am working on it. I know my favorite genre of music is classic rock but Ariana Grande hits hard when I need to dance in the shower. I believe I can be the nicest person you meet or the meanest because I treat people the way they treat me right back. And I don’t always know what is a good decision or not. But I do believe in second chances. So no, I don’t like cancel culture. But I believe in calling out people when they screw up in life. Because we all do. I believe in seeing grey instead of only thinking in black and white.

I believe that each one of us is really just human. Whether you are an artist or surgeon. A doctor or therapist. None of us knows the real answers. But we all know how to be kind and love. So when in doubt go with that. Lead with love and kindness.

I will never be just one thing. Just like I am not my bipolar disorder. I am no label put onto me or perceived of me. I know who I am. And I know that I wish no harm onto others. That is all I need.

Xoxo

Sky

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