Throughout my time in the partial hospitalization program, I wrote poetry. It was grounding. It helped me put how I feel into words. I decided that I was going to share the feelings I had then versus the feelings I have now. My poetry journal became a sea of poems that when from dark to light. I hope whoever is reading this finds the light I see.
Then:
“I sat in the chair
of my therapist’s room
my mother sitting next to me
“do you have any dark thoughts?”
my therapists interrupted the silence
I looked at mom with ocean like waves falling from my dark eyes
I grabbed her hand”
– yes
“the sun laughs
as she hides beneath the clouds
yet I still cry
at the grey of the sky”
– please shine
“we learn
to ice bruises
we get on our skin
but how do we fix
the bruises
on our hearts”
– black and blue
Now:
“I am a storm and a rainbow at the same time
beautiful but confusing
necessary for growth
but hard to travel through
I have realized
the colorful glow
after lightning hits”
-afterglow
“I am picking up the shards of glass
and putting them into their right form
for I am fixing my own self
rather than letting others do so”
-self care
“I just do not know how to talk to Skyla anymore”
my name has not been changed
my laughter is the same tone
why do you not want to hear
my high-pitched giggles
anymore
my heart is the same
my soul is the same
why do you not want to see them
my heart and soul shines more than ever
I am the same
just not as torn apart”
-I am not broken
I learned that I was never broken. That the darkness doesn’t last. So when you feel like you are shattering into pieces, remember you aren’t. You are strong and put together perfectly.
xoxo
Sky