“You are not stupid, just human. You are very human. It is cool. It is cool to be human, everyone else tries to be perfect and perfect is not human. Emotion and vulnerability and mistakes and the good and bad are human. I think you haven’t been around the right people that’s all. We haven’t even started our second semester of our first year of college, there’s a lot of people you’ll meet who will accept you as you are with no expectations. And you will find more people like me who appreciate you for the person you are now, not the person you could be or will be after therapy or help blah blah blah, we all love you for who you are now today. So just keep being unforgivingly human and understand that part of that is awfully sad things and some of that is beauty.”
I have believed for most of my life thus far, that I am hard to love. Quite simply because I have flaws. And it is very obvious in all minds that these flaws that I contain are not minor, yet it is even more obvious that I do not try to hide any of my flaws.
I have believed for most of my life that if I just stopped living my truth completely, and became someone who often showed only perfection, than less people would leave me. I would not be so hard to love. You see, I often fall into habits. The moment I feel like life is too hard. That I am not worthy of love. I begin to think that it is because I have too many flaws and I am not perfect like other girls. How untrue that is.
My mind contradicts my words every single day. I am constantly saying how wonderful it feels to be wholely and completely human. Because that is exactly what and who I am. And never will I ever try to hide this about myself. Because I am not perfect, and no real, authentic person is. But that does not mean I deserve any less love. And finally being around people who make me feel that I am easy to love, has showed me how wonderful it is to be me.
So I would like this blog to be for the utterly human. I love you. The man who sent me that first paragraph as I was sitting sobbing in my car. I love you. For those who have only been surrounded by people who do not have the soul capacity to see all of your beauty. I love you. And one day, maybe tomorrow or in five years, you will be soaking in all of the human that makes up you. You are a precious stone only some should ever hold. So remember this as you cry for not feeling loved the way you wish to be. For the day has not come yet where you have met people who make you feel like sunshine by just thinking of them. It will happen. But all things beautiful take time. Breathe.